Rafa Muñoz: "They said he was a storyteller and lazy, but he had depression"

Rafa Muñoz appears for the Canoe in Madrid or for the Club Mediterráneo in Málaga or for La Venatoria in León and explains to the kids the tricks of swimming with a butterfly. It is done like this. It's done that way. A clinic, wow. “And I notice that, later, in the locker room, they search for me on Google. When they go out they bring another face. They are usually prudent, but they ask me many, many questions,” explains Muñoz in conversation with EL MUNDO before the Fukuoka Swimming World Cup whose races begin this Sunday. How not to ask him questions. At the age of 21, in 2009, he was the world record holder in the 50-meter butterfly swimming alongside Michael Phelps, at 22 and 24 he was European champion and at the age of 28, in 2016, he left it. He had overcome a depression, two suicide attempts, an addiction to alcohol, but he ended up fed up, fed up with the Federation, with the lack of aid, with the gossip.

Have you swum again? The truth is that yes. I went years without doing it. But the clinics have helped me remember who I was, to remember the smell of chlorine. I practice crossfit and now with my boxing mates I sometimes go to the pool. I throw myself to soak, I do 1,000 or 1,200 meters, and I feel like a motherfucker, the truth. I would not compete again, but I maintain the technique, the sensations, the efficiency. What have you done after you retired? I was competing for a year for the National Police, but I had to quit. I started working at Decathlon, I spent five years there, I grew a lot in the company and then I looked for an alternative, because I wanted other things. Now I am responsible for logistics at Etenon Fitness. I work like any mortal and I live with my family in Barcelona. Excuse the intimacy: Are you happy today? What is happiness? It's hard to define, but I would say yes.. In my current life, like when I was swimming, I have great satisfaction and I also have brown. I think people have the feeling that I always suffered swimming, but I was happy. Most of my swimming career I was happy. Now I have internalized what happened to me, I have learned and I try to extrapolate it to my current life. Depression either kills you or you kill it. There are people who commit suicide and people who come out with a lot learned. What did you learn? That I lived it all at once, very young, success, fame, I became very saturated. With the world record the depression began and then I caught it very close. To be honest, I didn't catch it in time, I caught it very close. I treated myself with my psychologist, José Carlos Jaenes, and I have not had any relapse. I'm super proud to have maintained myself ever since. Did that saturation lead you to withdraw years later? No, it had nothing to do with it. I went through a depression, recovered, came back, was European champion in 2010 and then my career sank. I retired for the Federation, because they never trusted me. They always said that he was a storyteller, that he was lazy, that he was a complainer and that he had gone through a depression. Now we are learning about these issues, about mental health, but there is still a long way to go. There was a technical director, Luis Villanueva, who did what he wanted and who is still there. The 2012 Games upset me a lot and I already thought about leaving it, but I endured a little longer. Now that's my little thorn, not having gotten that Olympic medal. Over time, did you know how to deal with fame? Fame came and went with the results. I took it better and I took it worse, I was up and down, but what really exhausted me, over the years, was that fight with the Federation. That lack of trust, that lack of help. That's why I retired so young. A few months after his world record, in early 2010, they banned the use of plastic swimsuits. Did it hurt you? Not especially. I was European champion after the ban. There had never been technology in swimming and, suddenly, there was a boom, we broke 100 world records in a year and they decided to cut their losses.. There was a lot of pressure from the media and also economically, because those records had to be paid. Now, 14 years later, swimsuits are just as technological as they were then.. It is normal, in Formula 1 they have invented the DRS, on motorcycles, the spoilers…. The problem is that swimming came suddenly. Seen with perspective, was it a mistake to drop out and throw yourself into swimming? I don't know what to tell you. I wasn't a good student either, I was always a go-getter. I threw myself into swimming 200% because it is what I knew how to do almost perfectly, what I liked, what gave me money. I saw it as my way of life from a very young age. I have always thought that I should have taken more care of my studies, but if I had done so, perhaps I would not have been a good swimmer. Did you have any financial problems? I did not earn like a footballer, far from it, but if you rub elbows at a certain level, even in swimming, you can live well. I was always a saver and I retired with a certain cushion, I had no problems. They say that now he is going to compete in crossfit. They propose it to me, yes, but I don't see it at all. I am very competitive and if I sign up for something, I would not leave the box, I would always be preparing myself. Crossfit amuses me for the social part, for training in a group. It is completely different from swimming. In fact, there is nothing like swimming. In athletics, you go jogging with people, in cycling, with the group. In swimming, when you put your head under the water, you are very alone. When you're good, you're the best, you break the corduroy. But when you're bad… You can't stop thinking that everything is fucking shit. You try to cheer up and it's impossible. It is a very tough sport mentally.