The online community has been in shock since a (disturbingly) smiling Yolanda Díaz posted a video with this message: “Hello, we are here on the train”. And that's it. Indeed, Yolanda was not lying, she was going by train (specifically, the one that covers the route Malasaña-Mundos de Yupi).
It is more complex to know what Yolanda intends with a campaign in which a) she always speaks in a flute-like voice (as if she were addressing a not very clever six-year-old boy), b) her rallies advertise WATERMELONS and c) her electoral posters They look like the new single from Mocedades: It's for you. One expects from Yolanda the assertiveness of Frank Sobotka, The Wire's dockers unionist, but what we have is Yolanda with the voice of helium.. De Sobotka and Amélie.
♥️Hello♥️ I'm Yolanda and today we will learn to see 👁 Yolanda going by train 🚂 pic.twitter.com/QQ3q0WeZnA
— Малькор ☄💤🚜 (@BoletsAP) July 16, 2023
📢Campaign closing party with Yolanda Díaz
🗓️ July 21 at 7:00 p.m.
📍Tiernos Galván Amphitheater (Madrid)
We will wait for you! pic.twitter.com/d5gH09p2wy— Sumar Tetuan (@TetuanSumar) July 18, 2023
What do we know about this picturesque phenomenon? We know that the moderate/radical tension affects all parties, that Errejón was the podemite prophet of empty signifiers and ideological emptiness, and that a balance between moderation in forms/radical content is a greedy temptation.
But cuqui yolandism is having a hard time taking off. Maybe because, in a campaign monopolized by sanchism and anti-sanchism, standing up to PSOE is like standing up to the sun of Almería without cream (probable finding).
We all understand the logic of not being scary, but being scared by going too moderate also has its. A disturbing thesis floats in the air: what if Yolanda is not Yolanda because she has been abducted by an extraterrestrial community of hippies from the planet Bongo? What if the bongueses want to impose free love, the 2030 Agenda and the paleo diet on Spain? What would you do without your daily ribeye, eh, what would you do?
Laugh, but even Zapatero, who has turned this campaign into the radical hammer of the left (which is said soon), shows signs of having fallen into a New Age black hole.. ZP said it on Monday at a rally: “Infinity is infinity; the universe is infinite…. most likely. It does not fit in our head to imagine what infinity is like.. We belong to a planet, Earth, and to a species that is absolutely exceptional, that does not exist anywhere in the Universe, from which we cannot even imagine the distances…. We are the only place in the Universe, in the Whole, if we can conceive of the Whole, where you can read a book and love.”.
Infinity, the universe and the planet. by shoemaker. 🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/rcwWRUoAlY
— Pedro Pineda Celis (@pedropcelis) July 17,
Shoemaker, finally, is in orbit.
Indeed, while the campaign was getting muddy, Zapatero raised the bar to infinity and beyond. About us? Where we come from? Where we go? And above all: who does Zapatero buy joints from? If Sánchez promised the Spaniards an open bar of those joints, wouldn't he get 400 seats? Yes, friends, after ZP put the electoral focus on Ganymede, the Spanish are no longer divided between leftists and rightists, but between metaphysicians and mystics. Are there garden gnomes on Pluto? Is it true that on Saturn there is a beach with 200 giant Zapatero heads? Is Emperor Palpatine a Vox voter? We want to know.
According to Wikipedia, a “planetary nebula is a glowing, expanding envelope of plasma and ionized gas,” but, as of today, a planetary nebula is what comes out of José Luis Skywalker Zapatero's mouth..
Thus spoke Zapatustra.
It is increasingly clear, in short, that the left has a hidden hipster agenda (that of the planet Bongo) that is going to detonate in the three-way debate with Vox.. as follows:
Start the discussion. Abascal charges hard against immigrants and feminists. Yolanda and Pedro look at him with a condescending smile, approach him (to the confusion of the Vox leader), put a hand on each shoulder and say:
Pedro: Santiago, is everything okay at home and at work?
Abscal: How?
Yolanda. Have you tried Tibetan chants to control your temper?
Abascal: Who? Is it me?
Peter: And anoint yourself with patchouli in English?
[Abascal faints, Yolanda and Pedro play the bongos frantically and sing on loop BONGO BONGO OOOOOM. The set levitates and a cosmic ray abducts them all to the planet Bongo].
On election day, a spaceship lands in Madrid, Santiago, Pedro and Yolanda come down doing a conga and impose a polyamorous and vegan regime on all of Spain. Feijóo returns to the village, becomes a fisherman and thinks about what happened: “Maybe it wasn't a good idea to skip the debate. Or maybe it was…”.